| Children react differently to divorce. Depending on their age and ability to understand and to express how they feel, children's reactions will be influenced by the ability of the parents to provide continuing emotional support and a sense of security. Younger children need consistency in their lives and are most seriously affected by its loss. Additionally, they are concerned about the loss of daily contact with parents, the possible loss of their home, friends, school and familiar patterns. A " sudden " divorce will also influence a child's reaction, if it happens without warning to a child who believes that the family is happy and intact. How the children are informed about the divorce, what they are told and what they understand can have a significant affect on their reaction. How well or poorly this is done can either reduce or increase their apprehensions and concerns. |
Here are some recent studies and observations which have identified these stages as typical among children involved in a divorce:
- Grief - for the loss of the family they have known and the daily presence of the two parents, familiar in their daily life
- Denial - the attempt by the children to convince themselves that the divorce is really not happening - that the problem will just go away.
- Anger - against the parents for what children perceive as betrayal by those they love deeply and who, they believe, should be able to keep the family intact. They might be angry with themselves believing they are the cause of the divorce.
- Bargaining - by seeking to be better children, to improve their conduct, make life easier for their parents
- Depression - when children realize the divorce will happen despite anything they might do to prevent it. Depression can be exhibited by apathy, changes in behavior, emotional ups and downs, changes in eating habits and others. It can last for weeks and months.
- Acceptance - the realization that the divorce will happen, the family will be disrupted, the life they have known will be changing and that they should prepare for a different life and new family experience.
These are just some of the few factors to consider when children are involved in divorce situations. It is never ideal and it is often difficult. There is no magic word or saying that can make it better for anyone. Just to remember that while a marriage may end, a family continues and a parent is a parent for life.
