Child Custody in Florida

Child Custody in Florida

One of the most difficult parts of navigating divorce proceedings is determining child custody. Florida lawmakers made changes to custody laws in 2008 to change the approach and terminology the courts would use, placing more emphasis on encouraging both parents to play significant roles in the children’s lives. When preparing for a divorce involving children, there are several important factors to keep in mind.

For any divorce involving children, the couple must take a Florida Parenting Class, sometimes called a Divorce Class. This course will walk parents through impacts divorce can have on children and how to handle the transition, including communication techniques. The course, which is a minimum of four hours, must be completed before a final decision can be made. You can find an online Parenting Class approved by the Florida Department of Children and Families to meet the court requirement here: www.floridaparentingclass.com

While the court wants to have both parents be heavily involved in the lives of the children, they will act in the best interests of the children. An agreement between the parents won’t determine the court’s decision, but it can help influence it. It will be considered along with these factors:

Each parent's willingness to encourage and support a relationship between the child and the other parent, to honor a time-sharing schedule, and to be reasonable when changes occur;

• Each parent's ability to respond to the child's needs as opposed his/her own needs;
• The mental, physical, and emotional health of the parents;
• The stability of the child's home environment;
• Any history of domestic violence, sexual violence, child abuse, child abandonment, or child neglect;
• The child's wishes, if the court deems the child to be of a sufficient age, intelligence, understanding and experience (generally age 12 or older);
• Each parent's ability to be involved with the child's school and extracurricular activities.

For more information on family stability during divorce, the Florida Department of Children and Families has plenty of resources, articles, and guidelines to help you: http://www.myflfamilies.com/service-programs/child-welfare

Once created, a child custody order cannot be modified without a major change in circumstances. The modification must also serve the best interests of any children involved. A parent relocating also must be addressed to the court and has its own set of circumstances that must be met. Both parents must sign a written agreement which consents to the relocation, comes up with a schedule for the parents to share visitation with the children, and has a transportation arrangement for the visitation.

How Children React in a Divorce

Children react differently to divorce. Depending on their age and ability to understand and to express how they feel, children's reactions will be influenced by the ability of the parents to provide continuing emotional support and a sense of security. Younger children need consistency in their lives and are most seriously affected by its loss. Additionally, they are concerned about the loss of daily contact with parents, the possible loss of their home, friends, school and familiar patterns. A " sudden " divorce will also influence a child's reaction, if it happens without warning to a child who believes that the family is happy and intact. How the children are informed about the divorce, what they are told and what they understand can have a significant affect on their reaction. How well or poorly this is done can either reduce or increase their apprehensions and concerns.

Here are some recent studies and observations which have identified these stages as typical among children involved in a divorce:

• Grief - for the loss of the family they have known and the daily presence of the two parents, familiar in their daily life
• Denial - the attempt by the children to convince themselves that the divorce is really not happening - that the problem will just go away.
• Anger - against the parents for what children perceive as betrayal by those they love deeply and who, they believe, should be able to keep the family intact. They might be angry with themselves believing they are the cause of the divorce.
• Bargaining - by seeking to be better children, to improve their conduct, make life easier for their parents
• Depression - when children realize the divorce will happen despite anything they might do to prevent it. Depression can be exhibited by apathy, changes in behavior, emotional ups and downs, changes in eating habits and others. It can last for weeks and months.
• Acceptance - the realization that the divorce will happen, the family will be disrupted, the life they have known will be changing and that they should prepare for a different life and new family experience.

These are just some of the few factors to consider when children are involved in divorce situations. It is never ideal and it is often difficult. There is no magic word or saying that can make it better for anyone. Just to remember that while a marriage may end, a family continues and a parent is a parent for life.

Florida Divorce Guide - For Separating Parents

StateofFlorida.com offers resources and information for divorcing couples. This includes child support information and links, filing for divorce, and the statutes on the dissolution of marriage and custody of children.

Remember, a divorce will NOT be granted in the state of Florida unless one of the following conditions is met:

• The marriage is irretrievably broken
• One of the parties is mentally incapacitated. Certain requirements for this condition are listed here under (1) b of Florida statutes

Based on this evidence presented at a hearing, the court will place a petition for dissolution of marriage if there is no minor child from the marriage and if the responding party does not deny the marriage is irretrievably broken.

If there is a minor child or the other party denies that the marriage is irretrievably broken, the court may take other action. To learn more, see statue(2)b here.

Learn more at http://www.stateofflorida.com/Portal/DesktopDefault.aspx?tabid=64

The Responsibility of Both Parents

What we learn about parenting, mostly, comes from experience. Learning through trial and error, having help from friends and family, and reading books and articles about what a "good" parent should do.

When divorce is involved, you don't have the time or experience to rely on for education. But there's always a place to start. And remember, your attitude towards your children must always be a positive one.

The first is thing to consider is to be encouraging  the children (as hard as it may be) to love and respect the ex-spouse. The second is discipline; any two parents will differ in the degree and method of the proper discipline of children.

• Discipline is teaching responsibility and self-control.
• Use an authoritative parenting style - Be warm, nurturing, and respectful of your children.
  - Encourage open communication and seek children's input.
  - Be sensitive to their needs and opinions.
  - Provide them with clear rules and expectations.
  - Be the person who is ultimately in charge.
• Reward good behavior with praise, smiles and hugs.
• Ignore annoying misbehavior.
• Use "time-out" for dangerous, destructive or obnoxious behavior you can't ignore.
• Impose consequences when rules or limits are broken.
• Tangible rewards can be a powerful teaching tool to change undesirable behavior.
• With difficult teens, use the "no one loses" problem solving method or contracting.
• The foundation of good discipline is a good relationship and mutual respect between parent and child.

Learn more by taking the online Florida parenting course.

The Transition of Divorce

Divorce is different for everyone, especially parents. But the first thing to consider is that you are not alone, and it will get better with time. It can help to understand what's typical in the divorce process, what to expect from the divorce processes through the final decree and beyond, and the sort of emotional and practical issues that they're likely to experience, and in what order. These are the "emotional" stages of divorce -- the sequence of feelings and issues that divorcees typically go through.

You may notice how your feelings and outlook have changed. Separation is like an emotional roller coaster. You don't have control of your feelings and can't anticipate what will throw you back for another ride. This is the normal emotional current of divorce. Each stage of the divorce process presents opportunities for constructive responses as well as a seemingly endless array of obstacles and risks.

Risks During the Separation:

• The initial separation ushers in a highly emotional period; you are prone to mood swings, irrationality and poor judgment. This is not a time to be making major decisions that could affect your future.
• Avoid expressing your anger and feelings of rejection through the legal system. Do not withhold money or access to children when you feel rejected. Get emotional support to help you deal with your painful feelings.
• There is a temptation to use the children as go-betweens or to pump them for information about what your spouse is doing. Even subtle questioning about the other household can make children feel disloyal or like they are spying.
• There is a tendency to see a spouse who has hurt or betrayed you as unilaterally untrustworthy. Rarely is a person unreliable and untrustworthy in all areas. The risk lies in assuming the worst and taking legal steps to protect yourself.

Ways to be Constructive:

• Concentrate on self-care. Do not underestimate the stress of divorce. It affects your concentration at work, your driving, your patience with the children and your health. Take care of yourself with proper rest, exercise and good nutrition.
• Have a sounding board. Seek out friends you can talk to objectively or find a counselor or support group.
• Limit contact with your spouse. Stay away from each other for agreed periods of no contact. Limit phone calls and, if necessary, communicating in writing.
• Find an outlet to release strong emotions safely i.e. sports or exercise.
• Concentrate on getting better instead of getting even. Work on healing yourself rather than hurting or getting even.
• Recognize both sides of yourself, the rational and the emotional.
• Know when to seek help.

Learn more with the Florida Parenting Course