Friday, December 16, 2011

Florida Divorce Guide - For Separating Parents

StateofFlorida.com offers resources and information for divorcing couples. This includes child support information and links, filing for divorce, and the statutes on the dissolution of marriage and custody of children.

Remember, a divorce will NOT be granted in the state of Florida unless one of the following conditions is met:
  • The marriage is irretrievably broken
  • One of the parties is mentally incapacitated. Certain requirements for this condition are listed here under (1) b of Florida statutes
Based on this evidence presented at a hearing, the court will place a petition for dissolution of marriage if there is no minor child from the marriage and if the responding party does not deny the marriage is irretrievably broken.

If there is a minor child or the other party denies that the marriage is irretrievably broken, the court may take other action. To learn more, see statue(2)b here.

Learn more at http://www.stateofflorida.com/Portal/DesktopDefault.aspx?tabid=64

Friday, December 9, 2011

The Responsibility of Both Parents

What we learn about parenting, mostly, comes from experience. Learning through trial and error, having help from friends and family, and reading books and articles about what a "good" parent should do.

When divorce is involved, you don't have the time or experience to rely on for education. But there's always a place to start. And remember, your attitude towards your children must always be a positive one.

The first is thing to consider is to be encouraging  the children (as hard as it may be) to love and respect the ex-spouse. The second is discipline; any two parents will differ in the degree and method of the proper discipline of children.
  • Discipline is teaching responsibility and self-control.
  • Use an authoritative parenting style - Be warm, nurturing, and respectful of your children.
    - Encourage open communication and seek children's input.
    - Be sensitive to their needs and opinions.
    - Provide them with clear rules and expectations.
    - Be the person who is ultimately in charge.
  • Reward good behavior with praise, smiles and hugs.
  • Ignore annoying misbehavior.
  • Use "time-out" for dangerous, destructive or obnoxious behavior you can't ignore.
  • Impose consequences when rules or limits are broken.
  • Tangible rewards can be a powerful teaching tool to change undesirable behavior.
  • With difficult teens, use the "no one loses" problem solving method or contracting.
  • The foundation of good discipline is a good relationship and mutual respect between parent and child.
Learn more by taking the online Florida parenting course.

The Transition of Divorce

Divorce is different for everyone, especially parents. But the first thing to consider is that you are not alone, and it will get better with time. It can help to understand what's typical in the divorce process, what to expect from the divorce processes through the final decree and beyond, and the sort of emotional and practical issues that they're likely to experience, and in what order. These are the "emotional" stages of divorce -- the sequence of feelings and issues that divorcees typically go through.

You may notice how your feelings and outlook have changed. Separation is like an emotional roller coaster. You don't have control of your feelings and can't anticipate what will throw you back for another ride. This is the normal emotional current of divorce. Each stage of the divorce process presents opportunities for constructive responses as well as a seemingly endless array of obstacles and risks.

Risks During the Separation:
  • The initial separation ushers in a highly emotional period; you are prone to mood swings, irrationality and poor judgment. This is not a time to be making major decisions that could affect your future.
  • Avoid expressing your anger and feelings of rejection through the legal system. Do not withhold money or access to children when you feel rejected. Get emotional support to help you deal with your painful feelings.
  • There is a temptation to use the children as go-betweens or to pump them for information about what your spouse is doing. Even subtle questioning about the other household can make children feel disloyal or like they are spying.
  • There is a tendency to see a spouse who has hurt or betrayed you as unilaterally untrustworthy. Rarely is a person unreliable and untrustworthy in all areas. The risk lies in assuming the worst and taking legal steps to protect yourself.
Ways to be Constructive:
  • Concentrate on self-care. Do not underestimate the stress of divorce. It affects your concentration at work, your driving, your patience with the children and your health. Take care of yourself with proper rest, exercise and good nutrition.
  • Have a sounding board. Seek out friends you can talk to objectively or find a counselor or support group.
  • Limit contact with your spouse. Stay away from each other for agreed periods of no contact. Limit phone calls and, if necessary, communicating in writing.
  • Find an outlet to release strong emotions safely i.e. sports or exercise.
  • Concentrate on getting better instead of getting even. Work on healing yourself rather than hurting or getting even.
  • Recognize both sides of yourself, the rational and the emotional.
  • Know when to seek help.
Learn more with the Florida Parenting Course